Someday Soon

Dear Baby Silas,

I think I've been looking at this all the wrong way...

I've been so excited for your arrival that I forgot to stop and enjoy these last minuets I have by myself. I want to remember these days and have something to tell you...Most Moms and Dads probably go on lots of dates, get away for a weekend or what has become known as "babymoons". This is the last time for them to be alone together, just husband and wife. Before their lives are completely changed and a baby is dropped into their homes. For me I have really only looked forward to the day you would come. I thought maybe I wouldn't be so lonely anymore with your daddy gone. Maybe I wouldn't notice that he isn't here, or that I was missing out on doing all these fun preparations for you arrival without him. Sometimes it's nice being alone, but it gets old fast. Mostly I just long to hold you and have a part of your dad with me here even when he isn't. But then, I dread even minuet of the next year and for what is to come. Not for myself, but for you and for what both you and your dad will be missing out on. Yes, I'm sad for myself too in part, because I'm a selfish person =) I didn't realize when we made this decision so many months ago the feelings I'd feel today. I told myself, Silas, I would be strong and support your dad in whatever he would decided and wherever God leads us. I think that has been the hardest decision of my adult life. But I don't regret for a moment the decision we made. I know that even though no one ever wants to see a family separated, especially for the first year of a babies life, God can bring so many good things out of this.

I've been anxiously waiting for your arrival for a couple weeks now. Your bed is ready, all your little diapers are in place. Your clothes are freshly washes, many toys, blankets and books are waiting around the house for you. The care seat is by the door and our midwife BJ is near her phone. (Along with I think every family member and friend awaiting the news!!)

But dear little Silas, I know this next year is going to be a hard one. Were going to hit bumps in the road, but you and me, were going to make it. This isn't the picture I had in my head of how I would my first little baby home. But God has dreams infinitely bigger then the pictures I've pieced together in my mind. So bear with me little one. I think we will both have to cut each other some grace and learn how to do this thing cohabitation! But one day, I hope that we will look back and realize those were some of the sweetest days and memories. We will someday look back and see God's love, peace and grace poured over us at this time and realize how much stronger we both are as people because of the things we are going to go thru.

I can't tell you how excited I am for the day I will get to meet you. And the joy and excitement for the day that your dad will get to meet you as well excites me even more. I can't wait to bring you home and start a count down of days until we are reunited as a family and we celebrate your first birthday together.

I'm ready to stop being worried, and give my anxious heart to our Heavenly Father. I'm going to enjoy every day I still get to carry you around with me everywhere I go. And When you decided to come, I'll be ever so thrilled.

All my love, Your Mom.