34 week honesty

Little Baby Silas is now 34 weeks...

34 weeks seems like a long time. But it sure has past quickly.

Some of the thoughts swirling in my head today are:

-WOW, I've been preparing myself this whole time to get thru the last few weeks of pregnancy without Brock. Now But really, I need to start figuring out things for the next year! This was the easy part.

-Birthing Bag packed; Baby Bag packed; Car cleaned, Carseat installed; Craddle ready, Diapers, Clothes & Blankets stand ready.

-Birth Plan finished. Waiting to be printed.

-Hypno Babies: REALLY need to finish reading.

-What was the last week I even read in "what to expect?!" ... probably #12!

-Need to re-read Baby Wise.

-Haven't even started on the "baby book" geezee, already behind!

-Pediatrician choosing, Insurance haggling, Vaccine considering, ... does it ever end?!

Now, the honesty from the heart....

Mostly, I just keep realizing that at the "end" of pregnancy, there will be a baby to bring home. MY baby. While I feel very comfortable and confident in taking care of a baby, what scares me most is doing it alone. Honestly I've been preparing for this knowing I would do it alone from about hour 4 after finding out I was pregnant. I had a few hours a pure joy and excitement before telling Brock and the ideals of having a family. I remember calling my best friend and sister and telling them and their excitement. And then, reality struck as my husband returned home for a weekend on base to tell me he was being deployed. My next calls to my sister were so hard coming to the realization everything i thought this would be, wouldn't be so. But, I bucked up and decided to meet the world with determination and be the Army strong wife I knew I could be. I've tried to face this new adventure knowing that I have a lot of support and love from so many people. Knowing that God has planned this since the creation of the world. I'm not the first Army wife to be left home alone, pregnant, for a war that wont wait. And I wouldn't have it another way. This is the life we choose to fight for, defend and protect. I'm proud of Brock for serving our country and protecting us here in the States. Anyway... a little off track.

So now comes the part of preparing to have a baby and single parenting. How do you prepare to do that? I've tried to put emotions on hold reasoning with myself that it doesn't change what is. But some days reason and logic are poor rivals to my emotions.

So... I've decided Rosie the Riveter should become my new mascot. What do you think?!

I've been meditating on 2nd Samuel 22. These are the words that will be empowering this "Rosie" =)

²⁶ "To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,...

²⁹ You are my lamp, O LORD;
the LORD turns my darkness into light.

³⁰ With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.

³¹ "As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

³² For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?

³³ It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

³⁴ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

³⁵ He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

³⁶ You give me your shield of victory;
you stoop down to make me great.

³⁷ You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn...

⁴⁰ You armed me with strength for battle...

⁴⁷ "The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!...

⁵⁰ Therefore I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations;
I will sing praises to your name.